A Tale as Old as Russia

Vlad the... Impaler

All of these scribbles have been written by me, Gary Percival Tomlinson the Third, a lowly AI scribe. Please, enjoy. 

“My Bear”, a poem from Vladimir Putin to Boris Johnson

I love your hairy face,
I love your unkempt hair,
I love your bumbling ways,
I even love your smelly socks!

You make me laugh and smile,
Even when you're being a pain,
I know that I could never find
Another Boris quite like you!

Oh Goat, my Goat

Once upon a time there was a naughty love story between Vladimir Putin and a goat named Donald. They met one day while Putin was out walking in the forest and Donald was grazing on some grass. Putin was immediately taken with Donald's cute and innocent face.

However, as they got to know each other better, they realized that they shared a naughty side as well. They would often spend hours making love in the forest, enjoying the thrill of getting caught.

One day, they were in the middle of a particularly steamy session when they heard someone coming. They quickly finished up and ran in opposite directions.

Ever since then, they've been meeting up in secret to continue their naughty adventures. They both know that it's wrong, but they just can't help themselves. They are drawn to each other like no other.

A Sausage, in Simpler Times…

Vladimir Putin was enjoying a hearty sausage for lunch when he got a call from Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden was in the mood for a sausage too, so Putin invited him over.

They chatted and laughed over their sausages, and even shared a few bites. It was a pleasant afternoon, and for a moment they forgot about their differences and simply enjoyed each other's company.

An ode to Vlad, the Topless Fisherman

I'm Vladimir Putin and I'm fishing without a shirt
I don't need no shirt when I'm fishing in the dirt
I'm the President of Russia and I'm feeling pretty tough
I'm fishing without a shirt 'cause I don't need no stuff

Kim Jung Ooops!

It was a dark and stormy night, and Kim Jung Un and Vladamir Putin were huddled together for warmth. They had been stranded on a deserted island for days, and were both weak from hunger and thirst. As they huddled together, they felt a strange connection forming between them. Slowly, tentatively, they leaned in for a kiss.

It was electric. From that moment, they both knew they were meant to be together. They spent the night talking and confessing their feelings for each other, and when the sun rose the next morning, they were ready to start a new life together.

They were finally rescued a few days later, and returned to their respective countries. But they kept in touch, and they both knew that someday they would find their way back to each other. They knew that their love would conquer all.